A friend on Facebook asked how to make a wobbly ceiling fan not wobbly. That’s one of those questions that starts with, “The best temporary solution is . . .” My response was more an explanation of why there is no permanent solution.

What the uneducated call “balancing the ceiling fan” is really just an amateur attempt at counteracting Fae magic. The one about putting small bits of coin on the blades to “counteract the wobble” can work temporarily, depending on the amount of iron in the coins. But it only dampens the magic for a while–until the Fae notice what you’ve done, and change the magic frequency. Then you have to do the “balancing” exercise again.

Various other solutions are proposed, but none of them have proved effective over the long term. And what do you expect? The ceiling fan is the perfect toy for the Fae to torment us with. It’s something that humans think they like because they think they need, but they secretly detest because of the lurking danger of things getting caught, inadvertently losing a digit or a limb due to an ill-timed gesture, etc. It’s like a spinning guillotine just over people’s heads. The Fae love this kind of thing! They’ll give it a little wobble–just enough so that you barely notice it–and they’ll delight in the annoyance it gives you. Then they’ll increase it steadily until you go through that silly “balancing” trick. And every time you “balance” it, the wobble goes away for a while until the Fae decide to torment you some more. Then it comes back, slightly worse than it was before. The Fae find this whole thing incredibly amusing, watching you get more and more irritated over time and all the while wondering at the incredible stupidity of humans who can’t figure out that their problems would be *over* if they’d just get rid of the silly ceiling fan!

Yeah, ceiling fans. Playthings of the Fae. NOT recommended.