March 4, 2137

Fire Breathing Hamster Destroys Lab

A five alarm fire at the headquarters of synthetic biology startup Custom Creature Creations caused one hundred million dollars’ damage and destroyed the entire facility. Five fire fighters were treated at a local hospital for smoke inhalation after helping to extinguish the blaze. No other injuries were reported.

According to Dr. Stanley McEldridge, president and founder of CCC, the company’s technicians were attempting to create a small fire breathing dragon to demonstrate the company’s capabilities at an upcoming trade show. All appeared to be going well. But when technicians arrived this morning they found a hamster in the synthesis tank where they had expected a dragon. They immediately assumed the worst: that a competitor had broken into the facility overnight, stolen the dragon, and replaced it with a hamster.

After notifying security of the break-in, they removed the hamster from the synthesis tank and placed it in a cage located in another part of the building. About an hour later, one of the lab technicians opened the cage to remove the hamster, and received the shock of his life. The hamster, startled by the technician’s hand reaching in to grab him, backed up and, according to the technician, hissed.

“When the hamster hissed, fire came from its mouth and singed my hand.”

Then the hamster’s whiskers caught on fire, followed quickly by the poor creature’s fur. Squealing and still belching fire, the hamster jumped out of his cage and knocked over a large container of ethanol nearby. The flaming hamster ignited the ethanol, which spread across the room.

Investigators are still trying to determine how the fire spread from there, although they do point out that pure oxygen was piped to the room and that if one or more of the valves was leaking, it could have turned what should have been a minor fire into a conflagration.

The real question is how the lab managed to create a fire breathing hamster. Dr. McEldridge and his staff at Custom Creature Creations would not respond to questions, saying that they are reviewing their procedures and will issue a report when their investigation is complete.

Dr. Alfred Swain, a leading opponent of synthetic biology technology, speculates that the cause was faulty sanitation procedures.

“You have to be very careful with this stuff. Any bit of contamination can lead to unexpected and potentially disastrous results. If one of the technicians working on the project was handling his family’s pet hamster before coming to work, and failed to follow the protocols before entering the clean room, you could very well end up with hamster DNA contaminating the experiment. This is just one example of the things that can happen when we try to create new life forms. I have warned about this kind of thing in the past, and I will continue to lobby for the abolition of all synthetic biology experiments.”