One of my friends presented me with a completely unexpected Christmas gift: a 12-DVD set called SciFi Classics. If you believe the hype on the box, this is “An instant library of some of the greatest science fiction features.” We’re talking quality films such as Mesa of Lost Women, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, Teenagers From Outer Space, Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women, and that enduring classic, The Wild Women of Wongo.

I don’t know who decided that these B-grade movies were “classics,” but I won’t quibble about a little artistic license in the name of marketing. I will say, however, that I only vaguely recognize a few of the titles. Most I can’t recall ever hearing of, although I probably watched at least half of them on late night TV when I was in school. Reading the brief synopses of the movies tickled a few brain cells, but I couldn’t say for sure that I’d actually seen any of them.

I can hardly wait to start viewing them, though. The synopses are so enticing. Consider, for example, that enduring favorite, She Gods of Shark Reef:

Filmed in Hawaii, this tale features an escaped prisoner and his brother who become shipwrecked on an island paradise. The land is filled with delectable native women who fill their time enacting strange rituals, and diving into the ocean for pearls. When one of the women is selected by her peers to be sacrificed to the sharks, the good brother who has fallen for her charms, rescues her and they escape to civilization. The convict brother stays behind and attempts to steal the pearls, instead becoming the designated sacrifice.

The movie has everything: a good guy, a bad guy, a tropical paradise full of “delectable native women,” undoubtedly a lot of T&A shots what with the pearl diving and all, love, loss, strange rituals, and a happy (at least somewhat) ending.

How about They Came From Beyond Space:

Based on the science fiction novel “The Gods Hate Kansas” [and we all know how great that book was], the story focuses on a group of unlucky aliens who have crashed their spaceship on the moon. They attempt to use mind control to coerce a team of scientists from Earth to make the necessary repairs. However, one of the scientists has a steel plate in his head and is immune to their efforts.

Ah, the old steel plate in the head. That’ll foil ’em every time.

This collection has everything you’ve come to expect from B-grade science fiction movies: convoluted plots, mad scientists, spaceships, evil aliens, planet-killing meteors, lost planets filled with beautiful women, monsters with a taste for virgin sacrifices, and teenagers who see the danger and save the day despite the interference of unbelieving adults. All in all it looks like three days or more of continuous science fiction fun.

Anybody wanna join me as I lie on the couch in front of the TV and let the brains leak out my ears? I’ll supply the popcorn.