Fast, Neat, Average

form_o-96.jpg

It’s frightening sometimes what the brain retains.

One of the many make-work jobs a fourth class cadet at the Air Force Academy has to endure is filling out the Form O-96 (that’s “Form oh dash nine six”) at the end of every meal in Mitchell Hall. Ostensibly, the form is there so that cadets can rate the food and the meal service, and also so that fourthclassmen can be indoctrinated in the proper way to fill out an official government form. Like most things military- or government-related, it becomes a ritual that serves little real purpose but is continued because that’s the way it’s always been done. I suspect there’s one person in Mitchell Hall whose sole job is to file the forms. Whether they read them and make recommendations based on the contents is an open question.

The other night I wanted to kick my feet up on the desk and work on the laptop. Since the laptop gets uncomfortably warm sitting directly on my legs, I typically pull a book off the shelf and place the laptop on top of it. The book I pulled off the shelf Monday was my 1980 Basic Cadet Training “yearbook” that I hadn’t looked at in years. I started flipping through the pages, seeing old familiar faces and recalling the different parts of training. On the page about Mitchell Hall, there was a large heading: “Fast, Neat, Average.” My brain immediately supplied the rest: “Friendly, Good, Good.”

You see, the Form O-96 has six multiple-choice questions and two comments boxes. “Fast, Neat, Average, Friendly, Good, Good” were the standard boxes to check if there were no comments from the upperclassmen.

I hadn’t thought of the Form O-96 or “Fast, Neat, Average” for at least 20 years, and yet the proper response popped into my head immediately when I saw that line in the book. I wonder what else is lurking in my head, ready to spring out and surprise me at the least opportune moment.